Just to See You Smile
by Lion's Strife
Summary: Songfic, about Seifer doing anything to make the love of his life happy, even letting him go and pretending to be happy for him with someone else. I'm no good with ratings. This might be rated too high.


Author's Notes: Okay, here's the skinny. I wrote the first version of this story about two years ago I think. It's yaoi, SAxSL, and fairly short. The second version occurred to me after I'd written the first and I thought it fit the song just as well, if not better, than the first version, so I had to write it down too. That one's mainstream, SAxRH, and a bit longer than the first.

The Author's notes that appear at the start of the first version are the original notes I wrote back when I had intended to post the fic. But then I thought up the second version and never posted either because I only just finished writing the second version today (June 13, 2005).

It's already written in the next set of notes, and should be pretty much assumed, but I'm not getting paid for this, and neither is anyone else, so don't sue me (besides, I'm a poor college kid and can't support any kind of claim you'd get anyway). This is my disclaimer! I don't own it (wish I did, but I don't) and I don't plan on selling it.

And yes—for those of you who read the next set of notes and wonder about my "relationship" that inspired these stories—it is still as hopeless now as it was then, and if you want details feel free to ask. Not saying I'll tell ya though.

Happy reading. Review if you feel the desire but if you flame me, I'll have to send my psycho horse after you; he'll kick your ass so hard you won't be able to flame for a month. Lol. Later days y'all! (And no, I'm not a hick; I just enjoy using their dorky words)

Author's Notes: Wow, I actually finished a whole fic… Helps that this is super short and a song fic but I'm still impressed. Usually I map out this great idea and get bored halfway through, no matter how great the story sounds in my head.

So, in case it's not clear, this is the first fic I've ever posted. I've started writing many but, like I said, they're all in my files half-finished. It's not great but it's I hope at least somewhat good. I got the idea for this story when I was thinking about my own hopeless relationship…or lack there of. I love this song; Tim McGraw's a god, even if it is country.

Yeah, there's nothing much to this except a brooding, really hott blonde and his thoughts on an equally sexy brunette. But I like it so if you don't, too bad! And if you don't like the way I portray the boys, don't read it! It's not that hard to figure out. Hope you enjoy, and just for all those of you who are wondering, this alludes to a male/male relationship, so if you're not down with that you probably shouldn't even be on this site.

Disclaimer: One last thing, I don't own FF, or the characters, or the song, or really anything. I'm not marketing this or making money off it and I don't intend to. It's just a great game, a great pair of cute teens, and a good song. Thanks Square and Timmy. This fic ain't possible without your hard work…

Just To See You Smile

Version I (Seifer x Squall)

Lion's Strife

I remember, back when we were little. We went to that little store and your eyes caught on that set of silver. The chain necklace, the ring, and the key chain like pendant. I'd never seen desire burn so brightly in your eyes. Griever had been your hero since you were old enough to hear Matron's stories, even before you understood them. You didn't have to say a word and I knew how much you longed to own those silver pieces.

I'm still not sure how I managed to do all that I did that summer, especially at my young age. The Headmaster knew how badly I wanted to get them for you though. He could see the love in my eyes even before I knew it was in my heart. So he softly agreed with a gentle nod that he would loan me the money to buy them, and then I would work to pay them off.

I'll never forget the way you looked at me when I presented them to you. Your eyes went wide and you leapt into my arms, one of your rare displays of pure emotion. I'd never been so happy. It was like making you happy was all I needed. I gladly spent all my free time that summer running errands, washing dishes, and doing any odd jobs. All I had to do was remember the look on your face and I felt no regrets for the sacrifice I'd made for you. From that point on I'd do anything to make you smile.

_You always had an eye for things that glittered_

_But I was far from bein' made of gold_

_I don't know how but I scraped up the money_

_I just never could quite tell you no_

After the war, I had it rough. No one wanted to lend a hand to the fallen knight. And why should they? I betrayed them, I hurt them, I killed their friends and families, I tried to take over and destroy the whole world. I'd hate me too.

Luckily, there were a few who took pity on me. My adopted family worked to get me a second chance. It wasn't much of a second chance, but it was better than life in prison or a death sentence.

I worked my ass off to get back into the ranks, to get back on the world's good side. I started by trying to get back in Garden's good graces. I kissed everyone's ass and did tons of their bitch work for months—over a year even, just to gain a little trust. I always had to be in perfect form because one wrong move could send me straight back to the bottom of the food chain, or worse, straight behind bars. There was no room for mistakes.

Finally, I had begun to make a name for myself. One society thought worthy of itself, one I was proud and happy to call my own. The harder I worked, the faster I ascended the ranks. I gained the respect that could always have been mine had I applied myself. Slowly, I got more power, even though that hadn't been my goal. This time I used it to help people, not my own gain. People trusted me. They respected me. They even looked up to me. I was finally getting everything I'd ever wanted. I couldn't have been happier in my own life at that time.

Inevitably, that's when you decided to come to us and tell us you were leaving. Your father had offered you a job you simply couldn't refuse. Not only was it better paying with more prestige, it was in his office. You'd be spending time with your only remaining family member and you'd be groomed to take his position. What man wouldn't want to be the president of the most powerful country in the world?

Everyone readily accepted your decision, believed you when you said this is what you wanted. I knew better. This was your home; we were your family. He'd abandoned you and you still didn't trust him. And why should you? He left you to fend for yourself and now that you didn't need him, now he wanted you. You didn't want to go. I didn't want you to go. We'd finally begun to get as close as I'd always wanted us to be and I didn't want to give that up. What was wrong with your position here? You were the Commander, probably the soon-to-be Headmaster. This was your life. Why couldn't you stay? Why couldn't he let you be happy where you were?

But you came to say goodbye and there was no stopping you. Once you've made up your mind no one can ever stop you. I hated it. After all we'd been through, this is how it would end. Pathetic close to a magnificent tale of friendship and rivalry.

You'd never say it but the glossy shine in your eyes told me all I needed to know. Of course they never saw it; they never could read you like I could. You were scared and you didn't want to be alone. You wanted someone to go with you, you wanted someone you knew and who cared about you to be nearby so you wouldn't have to feel so alone. Your eyes were silently begging us for what you didn't know you wanted.

So when you left Balamb to go take that job in Esthar, I gave up everything I'd been working so hard to gain just so you'd have someone there with you. How could I deny that look in your eyes?

_Just like when you were leavin' Amarillo_

_Takin' that new job in Tennessee_

_And I quit mine so we could be together_

_I can't forget the way you looked at me_

It really sucked for me. I'd just begun to finally rectify all of my mistakes and poor choices, to make amends for all the pain I'd caused to all the people I cared so much about. But that could never compare the feeling I'd always had of wanting to make you happy.

I met you at the dock that day. You thought I'd come for one last goodbye and good luck. You knew how hard I was working to make my life worthwhile and you'd never ask me to leave that behind. But the way your stormy eyes lit up and sparkled when I said I was going with you, the way you shyly smiled when I told you you wouldn't be alone, the way you wrapped me in another of those warm, breathtaking hugs—it was all worth that one moment.

_Just to see you smile_

_I'd do anything_

_That you wanted me to_

_And all is said and done_

_I'd never count the cost_

_It's worth all that's lost_

_Just to see you smile_

It's always been worth my whole world to see you smile. I'd give everything to make you happy. Even pretend I don't love you any more.

At first, I thought I'd finally have the one thing I'd always wanted—even though I didn't know that was you at first. I told you how I felt and you seemed like you could feel the same way too, given the chance.

We started spending our time together differently, I thought that maybe we'd finally be together. You said you weren't ready yet and I've always been willing to wait. I was sure that someday you'd be mine…

But no matter what I just want you to be happy. It hurts not to be with you but I just can't stand to see you in pain. The sadness in your eyes when you told me not just yet was near unbearable. You were hurting because you knew that it hurt me. So I told you that I was fine with that and you could take all the time you needed. I'd be fine living here without you. We could be just friends until you were ready for more. I would wait.

_When you said time was all you really needed_

_I walked away and let you have your space_

_Cuz leavin' didn't hurt me near as badly_

_As the tears I saw rollin' down your face_

I thought it was hard to be without you. I thought I would die when you asked me to give you time to sort yourself out. But none of it even compared to the day I saw you with him. It tore my heart all to pieces.

But then I saw the way he made you smile. And I heard your soft laughter fall on my ears. I'd hardly ever seen you so happy. And I couldn't dare to take that all away. So I kept my distance on that outdoor patio, at that little restaurant in Esthar where we used to go get coffee. It was our place but now you were here with him. I didn't want to spoil your good mood, so I just sat and watched you for a while. I was happy to see you smiling and laughing. It hurt that it was with him and not with me but it was love pain, and always worth the ache.

I decided it was time for me to go. And that's when you noticed me at our old table.

You grinned at me, your stormy eyes filled up with glitter—I'd never seen them sparkle so. You turned back to him and grabbed his arm as you moved to stand up. I couldn't hear what you were saying as you glanced between the two of us, but you must have convinced him to come and meet whom I assumed was an 'old friend,' because the next thing I knew you were both making your way toward my lonely corner. I could feel the joy and happiness radiating all around you as you drew closer. And I could sense your apprehension and the nervousness, of introducing me to the person who was somehow better than me, in your eyes and in you stride. So I fixed you with my world-renowned smirk, and told you exactly what you wanted to hear.

And yesterday I knew just what you wanted 

_When you came walkin' up to me with him_

_So I told you that I was happy for you_

_And given the chance I'd lie again_

We chatted for a while about nothing. I can't even remember that guy's name. But he made my lion purr and that's all that mattered to me.

It never mattered how much pain I went through, only how much happiness it brought you. I've never cared that I loved you and you didn't love me back. I only worried that you'd never smile again.

So it's years later and I'm still alone. I'll probably be alone all my life. There's no one in the world I want like I want you, and nothing could compare to the way I felt with you in my arms. But my love for you made me set you free. I could never make you love me and I'd never try to force you to accept my love. So I'll be happy to watch you from the distance and call you my old best friend. And when you ask or look at me, you'll never see the love I still have for you. I'll just bury it away when I'm with you and you'll never have to know the truth I hide.

And yeah, I know I'm going to miss you, but I know you're happy and that's all that's ever mattered. Each time I see you, your eyes are brighter and your smile's wider. And I guess if you're in love then that's great.

Just to see you smile I'd do anything 

_That you wanted me to_

_And all is said and done_

_I'd never count the cost_

_It's worth all that's lost_

_Just to see you smile_

Years down the line, whatever happens, I hope you'll come to me if you need someone. For anything. I'll drop everything I'm doing and help you no matter what. I'd take my own life if it'd make you smile.

_I'd do anything_

_That you wanted me to_

_And all is said and done_

_I'd never count the cost_

_It's worth all that's lost_

_Just to see you smile_


End file.
